When you have a bushel of hair (maybe a few pecks), life isn’t easy. What’s that you say about famines? Oh. Ok, I’ll stop then.

…It presents hazards though. Crossing the road on windy days, for instance, is an unexpected danger. Yes, this could all be fixed through tying it back or cutting it, but I have no real defense against this argument. I’m just alerting the general public to the issues at hand. Your hair also ends up in your mouth. You also go through shampoo quickly. And since you have longer hair, you buy the more expensive kind – the kind that gives you that glossy coat you’ve seen on that golden retriever you’ve had your eye on. Apparently, dogs can get a glossy coat through eggs. I don’t know if you’re meant to crack them on the dog or somehow get them to ingest said eggs, but this somehow leads to that shiny look you see on Purina bags. Photoshop probably has a hand in this. Yes, even dogs get photoshopped. There’s a guy with a job out there looking at pictures of dogs and saying “No, he’s not ideal enough. Let’s trim that waist.” And voila! Dog eating disorders and a booming canine cosmetic industry. Talk to your dogs about the dangers of hair. They’ll thank you for it.